God says, “So?”

            I got off of work this morning at six a.m.  I have been wrestling with sleep for the last few days.  Physically, I should be so tired that I fall into oblivion as soon as my head hits the pillow.  But, the last few days, I have hardly slept.  If anyone works graveyard shifts they know that this is not a good thing.  Being awake all day, without sleep, equals a bad night at work.  (And a not so great mood at home either)

            A week ago we had a prophet come in to speak at our church.  He talked about his beliefs of insomnia.  He said that he felt that when people can’t sleep it is because we don’t spend the time with God that we should and He waits until He can talk to us.  Here we are trying to relax and get some sleep and God wants to have a conversation.  I have experienced insomnia my whole life, even as a child.  It never occurred to me, until I heard the prophet speak; that maybe all this time it was God trying to get His say for the day.  So, as I lay there again this morning, I let my mind relax and let God talk to me. 

            I kept hearing in my mind, “So, what?” I asked myself, “What does He mean, ‘so, what?’?”  Instead of laying there wondering, I asked God to clarify what He was saying.  I started to get a rundown of all I have been through the last few months.  God was telling me that it doesn’t matter how often I go to church, how much I do for other people, what articles I write for my blog, or what face I put on for other people; that my heart has to be right for Him.  When I am at home, in the quiet, out of public view, I still need to walk uprightly in Him.

            God and I started to have a conversation.  I told Him how much I loved Him. I told Him that I needed Him.  He let me know that He was with me and that if I kept my faith everything would work out.  But, that I needed to work harder at being at peace in Him.  It is so easy to get caught up in the grind of everyday life.  I get lost in the trying to sleep and work, that my days are filled with a lot of meaningless drivel.  I get upset and teary-eyed easy.  I am easily agitated and my temper can become explosive, for no apparent reason.  I know that ya’ll know what I am talking about.  One of my friends posted on Facebook the other day, “You know that you are having a bad day, when the people on TV are making you mad.”  It is so easy to get caught in the pattern of getting by that we forget what peace in God is all about.

            God told me, “So.”  It looks like He wants me to shape up.  Starting today I am re-giving all my worry and anxiety to God.  I am going to try to put my muzzle on and pray a lot. 

      God Bless,

               Kristine