It Has Been A While!!

                It has been almost a year since I have written on here. I apologize for the lengthy silence. However, in that silence I have learned and grown so much. God has been working in me and through me on so many levels. I have had the opportunity to have a real heart check and to come against seemingly impossible situations. I have come to the conclusion that My God is a God of more than enough and that he is steadfastly holding me to Him, even when I am on the verge of letting myself go.

                It is amazing to see how high you can lift yourself up. I lifted myself to pretty high heights and the devil had no problem knocking me down a peg or two.  I thought I was so strong in my faith. I found myself thinking more highly of myself than I should have. God doesn’t like ugly and he had a few lessons for me to learn. He also had a very big blessing in store for me.

                February of this year, I found myself in a domestic violence situation. After this happened, I didn’t know who I was any more. I was confused and angry. I wanted to know why God would let this terrible thing happen to me. I found myself sinking into a deep depression. I didn’t want to go to church; I didn’t want to read my Bible. I didn’t even want to talk to my friends that were always such great supporters. I found myself not even talking to God. I yelled at him, and I raged at the unfairness of the whole thing. Why me? Poor me.

                To make matters worse in my mind, I find out that my biggest prayer in the whole world had been answered.  But absolutely nothing in line with how I would have imagined it. I was pregnant. Not only did I survive such a horrible ordeal, but the precious life inside of me survived too. But God, I prayed, “This is not how I planned it…” Ha Ha. Not how I planned it…

                I can almost hear him now. “You are right. Not how you planned it, but how I designed it.”

*For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.*

Jer 29:11 (NLT)

Everything I saw in my mind as a disaster was something God intended for good in my life. The words of Joseph in Genesis kept ringing in my mind:

You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good.

Gen 50:20 (NLT)

With that being said, when you find yourself struggling to hold on to the promises of God, remember that God uses every situation in your life for His Glory. Life will not be easy, it will not be fair, but in the end it will be worth every tear, ounce of pain, and trial.

Blessings,

Kristine